Risk, Possibility, Beauty, and Meaning: Ups and Downs. (Thursday May 27th)

I didn’t sleep well last night. Now that my body is adjusted to the time difference, I feel like I actually woke up at 6:00 am. I was a little tired in the morning, and unsure about the day, but things took a surprising turn (for the best, then for the worst…hang in with me and you’ll find out what I mean). One thing has been clear already: valuable and meaningful experiences can be difficult, chaotic, and draining. But, that’s where the beauty lies I guess. These children are fierce, brilliant, and beautiful. I know I’ve already said that, but somewhere in the midst exhaustion, overload, and jumble…I’m continuously captured by the people surrounding me. I understand why I’m here. The children are learning from me, but I think I’m equally learning just as much from them. Sometimes, I’m terrified, sometimes I want to jump out of my skin, but I’ve found that every drop of energy is worth it. These children are worth it. I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else right now.

My first class was my favorite group of 10 year olds. Mai and I switched classes last minute, and when I entered the room and they jumped out of their seats in excitement. One of the girls called me over and when I leaned down, she clasped her favorite necklace around my neck. I was kind of speechless. I think I was just blown away by her willingness to give away something that is so precious to her, to me. I was so humbled. I mean, who am I? Just some random girl from America. Most of these children don’t have anything to give, and yet they give anyway. Maybe the US would be a better place if more people were like these children. It kills me to think that these kids will give away their most valued possessions, yet people who have so much more, hold on to it in greed.

My 10 year olds latched onto my hip for the whole class and afterwards, always looking for ways to help me out, or get my attention, or hook their arm through mine as we walk. The second class was a little older, about 12 years old; another great class. I spent most of the time running around to replenish their paint as they ran out, so it was a little hectic, but I can’t complain much. I wasn’t scheduled for a last class, so I wandered into all the other classes to see how they were going. Afterwards, a group of girls found me, and I asked them to teach me a few Tamil words. (When I say a few, I mean a FEW). I plan on having them sit down to teach me more later.

I felt a little sick at lunch, but didn’t really think much of it. I rested for awhile, impatiently awaiting 3:30 pm. Manikam planned to take the girls to buy Sarees for the final event on Saturday. I had been looking forward to this day all week, mainly because sarees are beautiful in comparison to my clothing. But what started as an exciting event, certainly didn’t end in a very exciting way. When the time came, 7 of us packed into a tiny car, and I sat in Mai’s lap up front. It’s India, so yay no seatbelts, but very terrifying driving at times! In town, there really is no such thing as separate traveling lanes, you just kinda fit and weave where you can. Anyways, the best part of the whole ride: Mai and I got to hog the air conditioning (YES.). I almost forgot about the intense heat, until we reached the market and the door opened. We stumbled into the store in a fury of excitement. As I walked around, I suddenly felt really sick. I found a green Saree I loved, and placed it on the counter. But I was quickly feeling worse, and had to sit down. I went outside for “air,” but the strong smells outside just made me feel sicker. I got inside the car with the air conditioning and sat with my head between my legs. I’ll just cut to the chase, minutes later I was rushing outside and threw up like five times in the middle of the market. I can only IMAGINE the sight. It all felt pretty surreal. One thing was certain: I HAD to get back to the Sevalaya. They sat me in the car on Manikam’s lap, with a bag in front of me. I was in excruciating pain.

The minute we got back, I ran to my room and curled up into a ball. I was absolutely miserable. I still have no idea why I got sick, but I think it was a mixture of things. I threw up a few more times, and when the pain started to subside, I was able to fall asleep. Erin, if you are reading this, thank you again for taking care of me that night; you are my hero haha. I guess a little nausea makes for a more authentic experience…? Anyways, it could’ve been worse I guess. Iravu vanakkam friends. (Goodnight).